第8章意犹未尽的思念（8）
Idon'tthinkIwillbewritiersmanymoreyearsandIwishyouwouldreadthislettertwice—bitterasitmayseem。Youwillrejeow，butatalaterperiodsomeofitmayebacktoyouastruth。WhenI'mtalkingtoyou，youthinkofmeasanolderperson，an"authority"，andwhenIspeakofmyownyouthwhatIsaybeesuoyou—fortheyoung'tbelieveihoftheirfathers。Butperhapsthislittlebitwillbeuaitinwriting。
WhenIwasyeIlivedwithagreatdream。ThedreamgrewandIlearospeakofitaehedreamdividedonedaywheomarryyourmotherafterall，eventhoughIkneoiledanogoodtome。IwassorryimmediatelyIhadmarriedherbut，beihosedays，madethebestofitandgottoloveherinanotherway。Yougandftimewemadequitealotofhappiofourlives。ButIwasamandivided—shewaoworktoomuchforherandnotenoughformydream。Sherealizedtoolatethatwnity，andtheonlydignity，aobywherself，butitwastoolateandshebrokeandisbrokenforever。
Itwastoolatealsoformetorecoupthedamage—Ihadspentmostofmyresources，spiritandmaterial，oIstruggledoillmyhealthcollapsed，andallIcaredaboutwasdrinkaing。
&akeImadewasmarryingher。Webeloodifferentworlds—shemighthavebeenhappywithakindsimplemaninasarden。Shedidn'thavethestrengthfstage—sometimesshepretended，aeifully，butshedidn'thaveit。Shewassoftwhensheshouldhavebeenhard，andhardwhensheshouldhavebeenyielding。Shey—she'spassedthatfailingontoyou。
FtimeIhatedhermhernothinginthelineofgoodhabit—nothingbut"gettingby"a。Iedtoseeagaininthishhtupasidlers。Andoneofmychiefdesiresiokeepythatkindofperson，sruintothemselvesandothers。Wheoshnsataboutfourteen，Iyselfwiththeideathatyouweretooprecocioussodastrictschoolwouldfixthings。ButsometimesIthinkthatidlersseemtobeaspecialnothingbeplanned，pleadasohthem—theironlytributiontothehumanfamilyistowarmaseatattheontable。
Myrefdaysareover，andifyouarethatwayIdon'twanttogeyou。ButIdon'twabyidlersinsidemyfamilyorout。Iwantmyenergiesandmyearningsforpeoplewhotalkmylanguage。
Ihavebeguyoudon't。Youdon'trealizethatwhatIamdoihelasttiredeffortofamanwhoonethiter。Thereisnoteny，orcallitmooyonewhoisdeadweightandIamangryafulinmysoulwheIamdoingthis。Peoplelike—andyourmothermustbecarriedbecausetheirillhemuseless。Butitisadifferentstorythatyouhavespenttwnousefulroviheryourbodynoryourmind，butreamsandreamsofdrearyletterstodrearypeople，withnopossibleobjectexceptobtaininginvitationswhichyouotaccept。Thoon，evenihatIknowyourwholetripnowisonelongwaitiislikeanoldgossipwhootstillhertongue。
Youhavereachedtheagewhenoneisofioanadultonlyinsofarasoohaveafuture。Themindofalittlechildisfasg，foritlooksonoldthingswithabouttwelvethisges。Theadolest，othing，saynothingthattheadultotdwithyouinBaltimore（andyouhavetoldHaroldthatIalterrid，bywhieaimesIwassoiohaveT。B。ortoretireiowrite，forIhadlittlesociallifeapartfromyou）represehertoodomestiebyyourmother'sillIeopHatsandTelephohedayyousdangschool，lesswilli。。。
Tosumup:Whatyouhavedoopleasemeormakemeproudispraegligiblesiimeyoumadeyooddiveratdnowyouaresofterthanyouhaveeverbeen）。Inyourcareerasa"wildsocietygirl"，vintageof1925，I'med。Idon'twantanyofit—itwouldboreme，likediningwiththeRitzBrothers。WhenIdonotfeelyoi;，yourpaodepressmeforthesillywasteandtrivialityiheotherhand，whenoallyIseesigentioninyou，thereisnopanyintheworldIprefer。Forthereisnodoubtthatyouhavesomethinginyourbelly，sustoforlife—arealdreamofyourown—aowedittosomethingsolidbeforeitwastoolate—asitwastoolateforyourmothertolearnanythiaroundtoit。OnyouspokeFrenchasachilditwasengwithyouroddbitsofknowledge—nowyourversationisasonplaceasifyou'dspewoyearsintheHollowHighSchool—whatyousawinLifeandreadinSexyRomances。
IshalleEastiyourboat—butthisletterisadethatIamerestedinyourpromissoryonlyinwhatIsee。IloveyoualwaysbutIamoedbypeoplewhothinkandworkasIdoanditisn'tlikelythatIshallgeatmyage。Whetheryouwill—orwaobeseen。
Daddy
&ro-Goldoration
&y，ia
July7，1938